2018 School Spending Survey Report
Affirming Autism: How to Choose Books for Girls Who are Autistic
Many autistic girls cope by trying to mask who they are. For them and other children, seek books where main characters are appreciated for being themselves and are not required to change.
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Photo by Amorn Suriyan/Getty Images |
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Research shows that 80 percent of autistic girls under the age of 18 go undiagnosed. Due to this, many girls with autism grow up not understanding why they feel different or why life is so difficult for them. They feel alone and unaccepted and have been called the “lost girls” by commentators and researchers alike.
My daughter was part of the undiagnosed 80 percent, and so was I. Olivia learned she was autistic during her second year in college. I learned last year.
I now love the way my incredible brain works. Yet, it presents me with an intense world that is challenging to navigate. This is why I thrive with time alone, routine, and hyper-focusing on special interests. All these things bring me comfort and delight and are some of the reasons I love researching nonfiction and losing myself in fictional worlds. Most autistic people also have atypical sensory responses. For me that means that I feel other people’s emotions, even their unspoken ones. This can be so confusing that I might not be able to express my own feelings or even know what they are.
Yet, I knew none of this when I was a girl. My way of coping was to hide who I was. This type of camouflaging, known as masking, is typical of most autistic children. However, studies have found that autistic girls mask the most. This contributes to them going undiagnosed, and in turn creates anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Books are what got me through. Books are what got my daughter through, too. On Olivia’s hardest days, she almost always read Janell Cannon’s Stellaluna. The young bat, like Olivia, landed in a world designed for others. But by the end of the story, Stellaluna no longer had to copy what others did. She learned she was perfect as she was. Olivia loved the reassurance of this. “I always hoped that would happen to me,” she said.
Yet, what would have occurred if someone had handed Olivia a picture book about autism? Would it have meant to her as much as Stellaluna? Would she have read it again and again? The honest answer is, I don’t think so.
Most picture books about autism talk about the challenges the main characters face or the accommodations they are required to make to live in this world. These books are enormously important because they open a window into the life of a person with autism. They help parents, teachers, librarians, and clinicians discuss autism with children.
However, for undiagnosed autistic girls, something more may also be needed. Each autistic girl is her own individual kind of autistic, and she may not recognize herself in a book that portrays another individual’s autistic life. Even more than that, however, day in and day out, autistic girls struggle with their differentness. When they open a book, they may not want to enter a world where another child is struggling. They may yearn for hope. They may be searching for a story where the main character is appreciated for who she is and not required to change.
I have heard writers and editors of children’s literature say that the main character must change, that a story isn’t satisfying unless this happens with a strong character arc. I don’t think this is true, especially for undiagnosed autistic girls. The thing is, every time these girls are told they are weird or different or need to grow a thicker skin, they are being told to change. This hits hard, because they don’t understand their differentness. Change for them often means hiding who they really are, which in turn means increased anxiety and loneliness.
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Sandra Nickel (right) with her daughterPhoto courtesy of Sandra Nickel |
What undiagnosed autistic girls need—what all undiagnosed neurodivergent children need—are stories where the character isn’t required to change. They need books like Andrea Beaty’s Ada Twist, Scientist, where Ada’s parents (except for one moment of stress) support Ada for being the hyper-focused girl she is. They need Lyn Miller-Lachmann’s Ways to Play, where Riley’s cousins learn to play Riley’s way. They need Naseem Hrab’s How to Party Like a Snail, where Snail creates a party for his unique, quiet self.
These stories aren’t lesser because the main characters don’t change. Time-honored classics such as Winnie-the-Pooh and Frog and Toad Together have unchanging characters yet are successful because they make the reader feel—feel joyful, feel calmed, feel like they aren’t alone. After all, the satisfaction that lasts the longest is found in the heart.
Stories that are especially golden for autistic girls offer one more thing. It’s there in Stellaluna, and again in Doug Salati’s Hot Dog. In the latter, while other dogs seem to be dealing just fine with a hot day, the protagonist is having a tough time of it. The magic moment comes when the dog stops in the middle of a crosswalk because he can’t deal with another second of his overwhelming day. His owner doesn’t yank on his leash or tell him he’s a bad dog. She doesn’t make him change in any way. She changes the world around him instead.
Days for undiagnosed autistic girls are often just as daunting as the one portrayed in Hot Dog. Life is a struggle for them. There is no getting around that. So, let’s change the world around them, at least for as long as they are within the pages of a book. Let’s give them picture books where the different one isn’t required to change. And by offering these books to all girls, we will inevitably be offering them to those who need them the most, like some of the 80 percent who are undiagnosed.
So, please, keep your eye out for picture books where the main characters are loved for who they are, where they don’t change, where the world changes around them. Read them at story time! Recommend them! Publish them! They, like Stellaluna for my daughter, may be the only things getting undiagnosed autistic girls through their days.
Sandra Nickel is an award-winning children’s book author.
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Yes!!! As someone who realized in her late 30s that she's autistic, this article and the types of books talked about totally resonate with me!
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Incredibly proud of you mom — being autistic makes us who we are, but it does mean we experience challenges in this world. Children’s books are so important to helping autistic children feel accepted for who they are
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Sandra, thank you for this fascinating and informative article! It has given me a lot to think about both as a reader and an author.
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This is such an important idea to think about. Accepting people as they are with kindness and understanding… letting them be themselves without asking them to change. What a gift! Books that offer this gift to their readers are good for all.
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Wonderful article, Sandra! Great book choices!
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I'm so happy to hear this, Sharon!
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Thank you for letting me share your story, Olivia!
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Thank you, Kate!
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Thank you so much for reading! And I fully agree--these types of books are good for all readers!
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Thank you so much, Linda! I very much appreciate you saying so!
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What a joy to read an article about undiagnosed autistic girls and to know that we are not alone. The courage shown by the author to open such a large door that has long been closed and heavy to open! Thank you for these sweet words and encouraging reading recommendations
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Incredible article — firstly, so well-written. I love the storytelling. Secondly, what a powerful message. I’d love to hear more from you on this subject!
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Thank you for this article. As a School Librarian I am always searching for titles that help out student population be represented and empowered!
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Can you recommend some books for autistic teenage girls, ages 13-18?
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Thank you, Sofia, for your gracious words. It means so much to me to be connected to those who have been on the same beautiful but challenging path. Thank you for reading and reaching out!
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Thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time to read and write. I'm seeking out ways to share more of my thoughts, so if all goes well, I will will be able to write and speak more about this.
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Andrea, it is my pleasure. And let me say thank you to you for all that you do to support and empower your students. They are lucky to have you!
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Hi Marissa! I haven’t researched books for teenage girls. But I can tell you from my personal experience that I loved fantasies and mysteries. Fantasies appealed to me because of the elaborate world-building and also because stressful events were more manageable because they were happening in a world unlike my own. I was absorbed by mysteries (and they were mostly Agatha Christie’s) because they are puzzles to be figured out. Also, with Agatha Christie’s novels and similar cozy mysteries, the murder often happens off stage at the beginning to someone the readers don’t know. This means the worst has happened at the beginning. The reader may continue reading without worrying that something horrible is going to happen. I know you were probably hoping for specific books, but I hope this helps at least a little.
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This is a wonderful article and I've learnt so much - thank you so much for sharing<3
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Both the article and list of books are powerful. Sandra, well done!
How could we ensure that the 80 percent of undiagnosed autistic girls get the direct message from the article that a life with their differentness is possible without a need to change and conform to different norms? Maybe parents and educators should use the books as a tool to engage with the girls in a discussion and get this message across.
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As a former school librarian now working in the children's publishing industry, I found this article both powerful and affirming. While there is a place, as the Author points out, for books 'about' autism, having stories that embrace differences in a way that's affirming and engaging is incredibly powerful and needed. I hope more write, read, share, and keep the undiagnosed 80% firmly in mind when curating collections. Thank you for sharing your journeys with us, Sandra and Olivia, and for the recommended book list!
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Bravo! Everyone deserves to see characters that help them feel at home in their skin! ❤️❤️ Thank you for the work you’re doing to help make it happen!
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Thank you so much, Krystal!
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Thank you, Andreas. I'm hoping that parents, teachers, and librarians will do just that!
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Thank you so much, Lori, for reading and being so supportive of stories that embrace differences! April is known as both Autism Awareness Month and Autism Acceptance Month, so now is the perfect time to focus on both books 'about' autism and books that 'affirm' autistic and other neurodivergent children.
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Thank you for reading, Sarah! And, yes, I completely agree! Everyone deserves to see characters that help them feel at home.
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This is a wonderful article, thank you for sharing you and Olivia's story with us and the world! And for the great book recommendations, I'll suggest my mom read them in her classroom!
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Thank you so much for reading, Morana! And a special thank you for sharing the reading list with your mom!
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Wow, reading this article was truly enlightening, and the way you articulated your thoughts was simply beautiful! Thank you for shedding light on the importance of representation and acceptance in children's literature. I feel inspired to seek out and support books that empower and affirm all children for who they are.
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It is reassuring to have books to read to my girl when she feel isolated and misenderstood. Not only these books are the only adapted to girls with autism but it also say to parents that they are not alone and we have tools to help our girls on their journey.
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This is such an important point to make! Thank you for this beautiful essay and book recommendations. I have seen this need for characters who aren't required to change in my own son's preferences. As Nickel explains, he often does NOT want books specifically about characters dealing with challenges similar to his own. Its too stressful for him. He seeks escape. I find this in my own reading needs, as well. I adore Alison Goodman's adult novel The Benevolent Society of Ill-Mannered Ladies, and the entire point is that the main character is told to change by society and she REFUSES. She stays true to her incredible, inspiring, heroic self. Thank you so much for this article!
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Thank you so much for all of your support, Chibuzo! As you can imagine, I am so happy to hear that this article has inspired you to seek out and support books that affirm all children.
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Thank you for reading, Mélodie! I am so happy to hear that this article not only acts to reassure girls with autism, but also offers support and reassurance to parents.
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Thank you for reading, Nora! And also, thank you for sharing your son's experience, which is so similar to that of my daughter. Here's to books that offer escape and reassurance to neurodiverse children! Here's also to books that do the same for neurodiverse adults. I am going to go find The Benevolent Society of Ill-Mannered Ladies. I look forward to reading it!
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Thank you for this beautiful essay and sharing you and Olivia’s story! It’s so inspiring to see your work emphasizing on representation and inclusivity for girls and women. Your valuable perspective reminds us of the importance of challenging misconceptions and embracing neurodiversity in our society!
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Thank you for this beautiful essay and sharing you and Olivia’s story! It’s so inspiring to see your work emphasizing on representation and inclusivity for girls and women. Your valuable perspective reminds us of the importance of challenging misconceptions and embracing neurodiversity in our society!
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Thank you so much, Cam, for reading and for your affirmation! If sharing my and Olivia's story can help make the life of even one neurodivergent girl or woman easier, then it is all worth it!
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